Happy Fall... Mom's Real Apple Pie!

Okay.  I want to start by saying this is not primal.  It has wheat, and depending on how you choose to make it, maybe sugar.  Honestly, this is just one of those recipes I could not bring myself to change.  It was blasphemous to even think it.

You know pie crust?  Buttery, melty, delicious pie crust?  Yeah, that was the problem.  I don't care what non-wheat item you try to duplicate this pie crust with.  It will never.be.as.delicious.  You might lie to yourself and say it is, but it's not.

So.  If you are feeling all high and mighty and judgmental because this is not in my "lifestyle"... please, stop reading.  Like right now.  Just skip this post.  I never admitted to being perfect.  Even the guru himself admits to occassionally having a small "cheat."  In fact, he says if you are living 80/20 you are doing all right.  Now, am I 80/20 most of the time?  No.  I live 100%.  But there are times when you just have to have that pie.  This is one of those times.

Enough of that.  The recipe. READ THIS BEFORE MAKING PIE.

1) I don't make my own crust because I've tried but no one makes it better than Pillsbury, and hey if you're already eating wheat why not make sure it's going to melt in your mouth?

2) Use McIntosh apples.  Nice soft ones that have been sitting around for a while and have a slight mush when you squeeze them.  SLIGHT MUSH, not rotten.

3) I made one small alteration.  You might say my mom will kill me but I had to, you know me.  So I switched the sugar for maple syrup.  It's just as sweet and it lets me feel a little less guilty for eating the "real" crust.  And Eric couldn't even tell!  But don't cut out the sweeter entirely.  It is necessary to get the apples to cook correctly.  Basic cell biology, don't believe me?  Try it without.

4) Lastly, it's amazingly easy.  I promise.  People always make pie making out to be this big scary thing, and sometimes it is, but this one is not.  The hardest part is peeling the apples and then "chunking" them.  Peeling means you use a knife and slowly work your way up the apple in a neat little curl, getting only skin and no apple.  Or, if you are like me it means going as quickly as possible and wasting precious apple and having your mom yell at you and eventually take over the job because you're not doing it right.  Chunking involves less yelling but more fear for slicing fingers.  I finally perfected it when I was forced to make my own pie, and it's not as scary as it sounds.

That's it!  I think you will like this one... just pop this in the oven and voila, instant fall!

Mom's Apple Pie

• 1/8 - 1/4 cup sugar OR 2 tbsp of maple syrup
• 6 - 8 cups "chunked" apples or 1/4 inch thick slices
• 1-2 tbsp flour
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 1 tsp cinnamon

Preheat oven to 425 and grease 9 inch pie plate.  Get the apples.  Make sure you have big apples, or if you don't then plan to use more like 18 because this time that's what I had to use.  The picture shows a "big" apple and then the small size I had this time just to give you an idea.

Start peeling.  See above for peeling tips.  I have never used a peeler, it just is wrong.  Use a paring knife.  Do it.
 
Once apples are peeled, you "chunk" them.  I like mushy apples inside my pie so I make small chunks.  If you want firm apples inside (gross), make them bigger.  Anyways, since your apples are very ripe (right? you listened?) just put your knife into the apple and carefully pull up  A little chunk should come off.  Continue until only the core remains.  After 6 cups of this you should have something like this (see why it demands patience?).  Again, my chunks are small because I like soft apple insides.

Please Note: This can be dangerous so use common sense.  No fingers or hand parts should be in your way.  In fact, if you dont know what I am talking about right now maybe you should put the knife down.  That's right.  Put it down and just cube your apples.  No chunking for you.


The hard part is over.  Now lightly toss the apples with the rest of the ingredients so they are evenly coated.  Then, press one of the pie crusts into the bottom of your pan and add the apple mixture on top.  Squish and juggle them a bit to make sure there is not a lot of space.  There should be a hill of apples.  If not, you need more.  Do as many as patience allows.  Otherwise your apples shrink and your crust deflates and you are left with a yummy but ugly pie.  Trust me, this happens to me every time because I am never patient enough to chunk enough apples to make a big enough hill.

        





Place the crust on top of your pile and fold the top crust over the outside of the bottom crust.  Then do what I did... your best attempt at "fluting" the edges and poking holes in the top.  I know it's not pretty, but really what does it matter when it tastes so good? (for the record, I did try to poke a smiley face once. not cool.)

Now you have an uncooked pie.  Cover the edges of the crust with tin foil and place in the oven for 30 minutes.  Put a COOKIE SHEET under the pie, otherwise you get drippings all over the oven.

After 30 minutes take the foil off and for the next 20 - 30 minutes after that take keep a close eye on it.  The pie is done when it is golden brown.

 YUM!  Enjoy :)

**this is an R&E (courtesy of mom) original!

It's Time: Minimally Modified Primal Pizzas

Yes, I've been gone for another three months.  I blame the whole getting married thing.  Oh, yeah, I got married!  But that's a story for another time.

THIS post contains recipes for the much requested primal pizza crusts I make.  No, they will not be fluffy or bread-like.  Yes, they will fulfill their role as a crust and hold your favorite toppings and even allow careful dipping into ranch dressing.  It will also leave you feeling much less bloated and gross AND lets you use all that eggplant, zucchini, or summer squash you have stockpiling from your crop-share.  Read your mind, didn't I?  So, since I have been MIA for so long I am going to get right to the point.  In order from our favorite to least (based on taste, ease of making, and crust abilities), here they are!

Ready?!  I am! 

Zucchini or Eggplant Crust

• 1 lb (2-3 cups) grated zucchini/eggplant
• 1/3 cup parm cheese
• 1/2 cup almond meal
• 1-2 tbsp coconut flour (for moisture)
• 1 egg

Step one: take your grated veggie, salt it, and wrap it in some paper towels.  Repeat this twice over the course of a few hours for best results.  Not necessary, but makes the crust crispier.  The examples below are all of eggplant, but zucchini follows the same rules.

 When ready to make pizza, preheat oven 450 degrees.  Combine all ingredients.  Add a light sprinkle of coconut flour if still super moist.

Lay parchment paper on a pre-oiled baking sheet.  Oil parchment paper as well.  using your hands, a fork, or spatula, carefully spread the ball of "dough" slowly outward, making it thin (no thicker than 1 cm).

When it looks similar to the picture above (this one is zucchini), put it in the oven for 15 minutes.  I should look like the below picture.  If not, put it back in until it does.

Then remove pan, flip crust, and 5ut it back in for another 5 minutes or until it looks like the below picture..

Take crust out, add toppings (pre cook any non-cured meat), cook at 350 until cheese is melted, and eat!

 

Before we go any further;

topping suggestions for ALL pizzas:

Pepperoni, chicken sausage, sauteed kale/peppers/onions, broccoli, bacon (!), mushrooms, pesto, garlic, mozzarella cheese, meatballs, buffalo chicken, buffalo chicken meatballs... the list could go on.

This next one is from this website, modified minimally.  Try as we might this one always ends slightly floppy.

Flax Seed Pizza Crust

• 1/2 cup flax meal
• 1/2 cup almond meal
• 1/2 cup finely grated parmesan cheese
• 2 eggs

Mix the flax meal and parmesan cheese in a medium bowl.  Add the eggs and stir until a dough is formed.  It will be sticky, like really really obnoxiously sticky.  Let it sit for about 5 minutes or so until it's easier to work with. Wet your hands with water to help keep the dough from sticking to them and press onto parchment papered cookie sheet about 1/3 inch thick in a circle.

You should get about a 10 inch circular crust out of it... if it's a lot smaller than that you are making it too thick.  Bake crust at 350 for 8 minutes, or until top is lightly browned.  Remove an add toppings.  For this one I made buffalo chicken meatballs and spinach!  Bake for another 15 minutes at 350.  Remove when cheese is melty and delicious (sorry, no picture of that part!).

Okay, this one has been in my files for a while, but for the life of me I cannot find any notes besides:

1) I made it and added a few modifications

2) It was the least favorite

3) The original recipe comes from The Almond Flour Cookbook by Elana Amsterdam.

Then I tried to find the original and couldn't.  Good story, I know.  Anyways, try it for yourself, perhaps you will have better luck!

Almond Flour Pizza Crust

• 1 1/2 cups almond meal
• 1 egg
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp baking soda 

Mix ingredients well, using your hands to form a ball.  Again, it will be sticky.  Place the ball between two sheets of parchment paper and pat it out into a crust shape.  Place on a well sprayed pizza stone OR parchment lined baking pan.  Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes until lightly brown.

As with the others when it's ready remove, add toppings, and wait for melting goodness.

These isn't it, but still.  Yum.  Oh, and enjoy!